She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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