Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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