The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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