i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
