i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
