So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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