But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
