Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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