Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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