I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
