At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
