smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
