I got chris browned last night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
