I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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