I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I smell stomach acid.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
