6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
