No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This house was built for laser tag.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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