she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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