So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
