Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
