even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
FUCK WHALES
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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