Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
