you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
