Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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