the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
