He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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