I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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