Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
