these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
