It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
