im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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