You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
