On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
ttyl tear gas
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
