I CAN MOONWALK!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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