So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i already hear my dad disowning me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
