It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
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she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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