You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just google imaged poop.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
