my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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