Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
