1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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