I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
