Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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