after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
