this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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