No stitches, just platelets and will power
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos