After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm too high and old for this...