i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
