Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
