Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.

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  (801): I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials. http://tfl.nu/rax4
  Replies (19) Good night (3338) Bad night (646)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.

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  (513): Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen. (1-513): She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do. (513): She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses. http://tfl.nu/52u6
  Replies (35) Good night (1409) Bad night (4895)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

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  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (9636) Bad night (1714)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.

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  (702): Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes. http://tfl.nu/674n
  Replies (18) Good night (1252) Bad night (3311)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot

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  (630): You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot http://tfl.nu/u2s7
  Replies (8) Good night (4326) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.

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  (603): He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car. http://tfl.nu/1mzx
  Replies (50) Good night (7890) Bad night (837)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm teaching my cat to play fetch

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Yep, it's a friday

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  (678): So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina (404): I'm teaching my cat to play fetch (678): Yep, it's a friday http://tfl.nu/op0w
  Replies (10) Good night (2158) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.

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  (770): Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/1wjc
  Replies (6) Good night (1796) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.

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  (603): Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight. http://tfl.nu/c8kn
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.

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  (604): It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good. http://tfl.nu/yhf8
  Replies (0) Good night (932) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.

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  (970): I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk. http://tfl.nu/5c91
  Replies (11) Good night (1144) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work

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  (859): You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work http://tfl.nu/e8m2
  Replies (3) Good night (1159) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.

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  (914): So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun. http://tfl.nu/n89x
  Replies (12) Good night (592) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.

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  (902): Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom. http://tfl.nu/6cke
  Replies (9) Good night (1095) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????

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  (330): Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this???? http://tfl.nu/uhtc
  Replies (9) Good night (275) Bad night (977)

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