Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
