Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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