I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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