He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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