I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need to calm my uterus...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
