3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize