the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
