I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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