sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
