I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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