we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
