no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
