I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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