so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
