I hope mine doesn't look like that
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
