I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
handjob tips. give me some.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
