This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
