hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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