There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
