Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
