the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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