the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
