His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
