Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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