If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
