Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
