I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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