She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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