We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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