the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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