just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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