You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't deserve a penis
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
