I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
