oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
