Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
