i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
