i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
