I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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