Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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