Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
