They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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